Insecurity and Affirmation

In a brief moment of reflection while mopping the floor today, I came upon a realisation that I have always been someone who craved words of affirmation. For example, I needed to hear my close friends say that yes I am their close friend and they need me. I think it comes from an inherent fear that no one likes me. And this fear stems from me not liking myself enough, because I do not think that I am a likable person. Ah, typing this out hurts.

Insecurity doesn’t feel good. When I feel insecure, I start feeling more unsure of myself and lose self-confidence. Or does it work the other way round? It seems like a vicious cycle. The more I lose confidence, the more insecure I feel and it goes around the “positive” feedback loop.

The only way to break out of the self destructing loop is to train my brain to think the other way. The brain is like a muscle, the more of a thing it does, the better it gets at it. The more it is used to thinking negative thoughts, the better it is at doing so. Change is hard, because you are forcing your brain to pave a different path when there is already one which is smooth and easy to walk on. The brain does not like using more energy than it needs to and loves the path of least resistance. Resilience, discipline, kindness. These are the three different brain muscles that must be trained and used regularly so that it does not slip back in to the paths of giving up, laziness and cruelty.

Good things are hard to come by. That’s what makes them valuable.